Rude Kitchen 
Can you pay by card in Germany? Of course — but not everywhere, not for everything, and not always for free. But it’s getting easier and more common. You won’t be able to pay by card everywhere, so it’s good to always carry some cash with you. That said, it’s also not like you’ll starve or be stranded without it. … Read more
Starting tomorrow, guests are back on board, so yesterday I took advantage of the beautiful weather and, naturally, popped over to Hamburg to see The Twelve Chairs. I’ll write separately about that trip and those chairs because it’s part of a bigger idea I’m working on… You’ll read, you’ll see. But it’s a damn important … Read more
It’s amazing how context changes everything. Take, for example, the phrase: “I got a mushroom from a friend.” Sounds very different coming from a chef than from someone into swingers parties, doesn’t it? In my case, the “friend” was my Translator Friend (from my work), and the “mushroom” was a kombucha SCOBY (not Candida). Since … Read more
A very specific aspect of my work, stemming from cooking at a Buddhist center, is the presence of religious dietary restrictions.Many religions have such rules, obligations, and prohibitions… no meat on Fridays, no pork, no beef, no blood sausage, hot dog buns without hot dogs on Fridays (yes, that’s a real rule), no masturbation, no … Read more
In 2025, Easter and May Day are unusually close together. Just as I wrapped up my Easter menu, my thoughts turned to recipes suitable for May Day. One simple recipe I created on Easter Saturday fits perfectly — a carob smoothie. Ingredients: 1 ripe (brown) banana (approx. 125g) 200 ml (half a can) of coconut milk 1 … Read more
Hail Seitan (Not to be confused with Satan. I had to — the phonetic similarity still cracks me up. Though honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if someone out there took it seriously and saw in seitan a satanic conspiracy.) Ingredients: 200 g seitan powder 50 g hemp flour 50 g sun-dried tomatoes in oil 50 g oil from sun-dried … Read more
The subject of pâté is fascinating — surely worthy of a treatise… That’s how it might begin. Imagine a cookbook penned by Czesław Miłosz. If “The Year of the Hunter” had a culinary appendix. What cuisine would he have described? Most likely Lithuanian, naturally — perhaps specifically the dishes from the manor in Šeteniai, where he grew up. A … Read more
A recipe from the Easter menu. Cakes and all kinds of sweets are well represented on Easter tables, just like eggs. So why not sweet eggs?Of course, 100% plant-based eggs. Coconut Milk & Tofu Eggs INGREDIENTS: 150 g soft/silken tofu 300 g coconut milk 1 tsp ground lemongrass 1/4 tsp cardamom 100 g agave syrup … Read more
Appendix to the Tofu Egg Recipe: Chickpea-Based “Yolk” Sauce INGREDIENTS: 200 g cooked or canned chickpeas 1/3 tsp black salt (Kala Namak) 1 tbsp mustard (20 g) 50 g mayonnaise 1 tsp turmeric 2 tbsp vegetable broth 1 tsp agave syrup PREPARATION: Blend all the ingredients until smooth. Adjust the consistency by adding more or less … Read more
Have you already accepted into your heart our Lord and Savior, the Easter Bunny?** Well, I had to. Even though I know not everyone shares my religious sense of humor. But the Easter Bunny is not so far removed from the Sacrifice of Christ—and that doesn’t diminish Christ; quite the opposite. But more on that … Read more
